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22 August 2007 @ 05:36 am
TEN facts about Michael Gary Scott  
1. I'm in between best friends right now. It was Todd Packer for a long time but then I started getting close to Jim when he moved away and was no longer under my employ. He told me secrets and he didn't leave because of me. But then he had to go and try for the job at Corporate that I was so clearly perfect for. So I guess it's probably Packer again, until Jim can prove to me that he can be more loyal than that. He will, I'm sure he values our friendship as much as I do. We're close really, so maybe it's still Jim.

2. I lost my virginity when I was 17. I don't know how old she was but my step father Jeff said I needed to become a man. She told me her name was Stephanie but I'm not sure that's true. Anyway she was totally hot with a great body and big boobs and we did it for like half an hour. When it was over she told me I was the best she ever had and called me Ace. She was a nice woman. I think I wrote my number down wrong in the sexual haze because she never called but I gave her the 200 bucks Jeff gave me for her cab fair, I think she must have lived in Wilkes Barre or something.

3. I was once the star of a kid's show called Fundlebundle and I was way cooler than that Chet asshole.

4. I've worked at Dunder-Mifflin for 15 years now, the last 7 as Regional Manager of the Scranton Branch. Corporate just recently deemed Scranton the best branch ever and we merged with the Stamford Branch from Connecticut. Unfortunately those kids just didn't have the Scranton Edge and so Andy Bernard is the only one left with us. Since Karen's probably kaput from when Jim kicked her to the curb for Pam.

5. I host a very fine and appreciated awards show every year for my employee's called The Dundies. I'm trying to decide whose going to replace Ryan as Hottest in the Office since he became a weasel and decided he was a big better than the rest of us Business School corporate big boss guy. Probably Jenny, she's hot, but that's not why I hired her, she's over qualified for the job which means Dunder-Mifflin rocks.

6. I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman. My former boss Jan Levinson (no Gould). She has amazing ... brains. Because the brains are the best feature on a woman, big too.

7. I'm a student of comedy. I go to improv class every week and I'm way better than all those chumps. I'm a triple threat, writer, producer and performer.

8. I wrote a screenplay that I'm going to get produced sometime in the near future. Threat Level: Midnight. It's an action movie, better than Die Hard.

9. I can kick Dwight's "I'm a whatever blah blah belt in some weird karate thing" ass. I still haven't gotten the footage but I will. I might play part of it at this years Dundies if the documentary crew would just hand it over.

10. I own property. A nice condo. The area is well lit and gay friendly. I should tell Oscar maybe he could settle down with a nice man and I could be not just a boss and a friend but a neighbor too.

Michael Scott
The Office
 
 
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